Sarah Palin: The Facts


So it turns out that Sarah Palin is running for President of the USA in 2012.

Coincidentally, it seems experts from around the world are predicting that the world will end in that same year. So yawl, here's a list of completely, absolutely, honest-to-goodness, true facts about the woman who aspires to be the next (and apparently last) US President:
  • Sarah Palin has pledged that, if elected, she will construct a giant death-ray to 'burn the devil' out of all the evolutionists

  • Sarah Palin only knows two facts about ducks and one of them is wrong

  • On the night that Sarah Palin was born, every single child in the world stopped whatever they were doing, stood completely still, and screamed.

  • Sarah Palin's glasses are made of solid titanium and contain enough plutonium to construct a sizeable nuclear warhead

  • For her high school science project, Sarah Palin constructed a 100 mile oil pipeline out of juice-box straws

  • Sarah Palin once killed a moose by praying

  • Sarah Palin's hair is made from the souls of dead wolves

  • Sarah Palin once joked that she could see Russia from her house. In reality she can see the Kremlin from her closet

  • Sarah Palin's favourite color is Nuclear Armageddon

  • Sarah Palin won the beauty queen competition in her hometown Wasila by narrowly beating the reining beauty queen; a potato that resembled Mother Teresa

  • Sarah Palin comes from the town of Wasila in Alaska. The town motto is: "We can see Russia from our houses"

  • Most children have nightmares about monsters in the closet. Sarah Palin had nightmares about Reds under her Bed

  • When asked to point out the location of Asia on a map, Sarah Palin described it as being the "the Old Eastern Europes that's not the USSR"

  • Sarah Palin once decribed George Bush as having "a gee-wilikers level of speechmaking that I can only aspire with, yawl"
  • My Aunt once touched Sarah Palin; she is now made of stone
  • Sarah Palin once suggested that global warming could be stopped by cooling down New Mexico with ice imported from Alaska

  • Sarah Palin can walk over water, provided that it is 99% cement

  • Sarah Palin's heroes include Barbie, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Wonder Woman and Dick Cheney

  • If elected President, Sarah Palin has pledged to reduce the number of witches on America's streets by 3.5% over the next four years

  • Sarah Palin believes that Einstein and Newton are types of shotgun

  • Sarah Palin's hobbies include, hunting, dog sledging and speaking incoherently
  • After accepting the oppotunity to be John McCain's running mate, Sarah Palin travelled from Alaska to Washington D.C. by crowd surfing an endless angry mob of Hockey Moms
  • Sarah Palin's house is made entirely from moose